Curse Of The Rhyming Words
by darth spots and darth stripes
Summary: Sirius convinces the Marauders to prank James by creating a potion that makes James hear rhyming words, in an attempt to cheer their Bed - er - Head boy up. Also features fairytales, pansies and much eye-rolling from our favourite Sirius Black. LJoneshot


_**A/N: I woke up this morning, and this idea just popped into my head… and I knew I had to write it. I'm rather proud because I've only had one coffee this morning and still, here I am, pumping out a story… now that's effort you can't buy at a supermarket.**______**Also, excuse my lack of editing. I just wanted it to be posted, so it's probably not perfect.**__****_

_Disclaimer: In no way, shape or form do I own Harry Potter. __Borrowed characters, not making a profit… blah __blah__blah__ Read. __Now._

Curse of the Rhyming Words

"Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess…"

"What's he doing?"

"I donno… sounds like another of his Pixie-tails."

"_Fairytale_ Sirius, _fairytale_. And it's spelled the other way."

"How do you know that I'd spell it wrong? You can't _hear_ spelling."

"I know you well enough to know you'd spell it incorrectly."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do - Peter, what do you think? Who's right?"

"Uh… I dunno."

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Eye-roll!" Sirius whined.

"Why did you just _say_ 'eye-roll'?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Be-_cause_ if you don't say it, how else will everyone know that you've done it? They'd have to be looking, otherwise," Sirius replied as if it were the simplest thing on earth.

"That's just ridiculous -"

"Ahem-hem-_hem_!"

Sirius, Peter and Remus turned back to face the armchair by the Gryffindor common room fireplace.

"Once upon a time there lived a _beautiful_ princess named -"

"- Lily Evans," Sirius, Peter and Remus deadpanned.

"How did you know that?" James said slightly hurt and shocked that they could predict his pixie – er – _fairy_tale.

"_Be_-_cause_, eye-roll," Sirius said, "_all_ your stories feature a beautiful princess named Lily Evans, a dragon called Severus Snape and a dashing, toned, handsome young prince – wearing shining armour to boot – named James Potter."

"Oh," James scratched his head, "right, then."

"Look Prongs, don't take this the wrong way, but you really need to get over that one," Sirius said seriously.

"Get over her? Get over her? How am I supposed to do that, Sirius? I've never felt this way before," he paused before adding, "And I haven't looked at any other girl for… I don't know how long, I've lost track!"

"James, we understand how much you -" Remus began.

"No you don't, clearly. This isn't some school-boy obsession. I don't know if it's love, but it's something new, something I can't describe. And you all keep trying to tell me it's some stupid crush."

"Prongs, mate, we -"

"Just… forget about it. I'm going to bed."

And with that, James left for the Head Boy dormitory.

The three of them watched him go, not entirely shocked at his outburst, but certainly shaken by the intensity in his words.

"Maybe he does love her," Peter broke the silence.

"I don't know… but what I _do_ know is we have to do something," Sirius said with an edge of mystery.

"We have to do something? Honestly, Sirius, what can we possibly do – that's legal, mind you – to help him? This is his problem, I'm sure he can manage."

"Eye-roll. Geez Moony, why couldn't you just ask 'what', like any _normal_ person would have? Besides, what I had in mind was in no way illegal."

Remus looked at him skeptically.

"What?" Peter asked curiously.

"I know, it's a new path for me, but I guess I've just got to walk down it before I judge it," Sirius sounded like a drug addict fresh out of rehabilitation.

"No," Peter said impatiently, "What did you have in mind? What's the plan?"

"Oh… um, right," Sirius cleared his throat, hoping to cover up his mistake by removing phlegm from his esophagus, "Well, what I thought we could do is make him hear rhyming words."

"What?" they both asked, completely lost due to lack of logic in their friend's statements.

"It's a simple spell – potion – rather… but Moony, you're great at that stuff -"

"How is that going to help him in any way whatsoever?" Remus asked, needing an answer.

"Well it's more of a prank," Sirius said plainly.

"A prank?"

"Yes, a prank… you know, they start with a plan to impress, surprise, thwart, attack people? As well as other things, I guess, too. And then you actually carry them out and a terrific result is usually acquired? Except for the times when Minnie gets us… then we meet our friend 'detention' again, and that's how we've broken all the records for the Most Detentions Ever Received In The History Of Hogwarts Ever category. Well… at least, I have." He scratched his head, feeling as if he'd missed the point of the question again.

"But Sirius… pranking James is _probably_ not the best idea, you know, given his love-sickly and unstable state?" Peter ventured.

"No, but don't you see? What he really needs is _exactly_ a good prank. This will cheer him up – I mean, this rhyming words thing – I've heard some seriously awesome dirt on it and _come_ _on_ … he needs something to take his mind off of that… _blasted_ girl."

Peter stroked his chin.

"You know, Remus, he has a point…"

"No he doesn't, he never -"

"I call for an emergency vote!" Sirius said noble-y, raising his fist triumphantly.

"We have an emergency vote?" Peter looked at Remus.

"All in favour of the rhyming prank?"

He stuck up his hand, and, after a few seconds, Peter shyly put up his.

"Two against one! Rhyming prank it is!"

Immediately he bounded off, leaving Remus and Peter to stare at each other as though they'd just made the worst decision of their life.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

James awoke with a start, feeling a slightly tingle in his ears.

Reluctantly, he untangled himself from his bedcovers and sleepily made his way to the bathroom.

Looking into the mirror, he noted his reflection was shocking.

It occurred to him that if, indeed, his reflection was shocking, _he_ must look shocking. Not the nicest start to the day…

He groaned internally, and resolved not to be so womanly.

"Hey there he is, our favourite Bed Boy!" Sirius bounded into James' room and began jumping on his bed.

"You're favourite _what _now?"

Sirius maintained his jumping chaos, apparently not hearing James – what, with all his "wee's" and "yay's".

"Sirius for …our sakes, please stop humping on that bed like some demented - "

"_Humping_?"

"Never!" Sirius cried, "I will hump and hump until I can hump no more!"

"Now that's just silly, you can't just hump all day, we've got to go to glass!"

"WHAT THE _HELL_ IS GOING ON?"

Remus, Sirius and the newly-arrived Peter looked at James.

"Are you all off your tree?"

Remus looked at Sirius, who nodded.

"Now, James… uh… don't be mad, or – or anything…"

James groaned. Oh no… this was all too familiar. The tentativeness of his friends… him thinking he was crazy – it could mean only one thing.

"… we kind of, um.. pulled a tank on you."

Or perhaps his friends _were_ just off their trees.

"What are you talking about? You're all crazy."

Something clicked in Remus' head, and he withdrew his wand.

This didn't really sit well with James… crazy, skillful-with-a-wand friend holding a wand.

And then Remus waved it, and letters appeared, floating like bubbles above their heads.

"_WE PULLED A PRANK ON YOU_," James read them aloud, "You _what_?!"

Remus continued the bubble-letters, "_SO THAT YOU HEAR SOME WORDS DIFFERENTLY. THEY RHYME_."

"Well, that's just brilliant, then," James deadpanned, "and how exactly do I know which words in what sentences are rhyming?"

Remus looked at Sirius again, then at Peter.

"_UH, SORRY… WE DUNNO_," Sirius used his wand to draw his own letter-bubbles.

This wasn't an answer James could exactly appreciate.

"So how exactly am I supposed to go to class? Does it end…? The spell?"

"_IT'S A POTION, ACTUALLY…"_

"Oh F– great… that's just… _great."_

"_IT WILL WEAR OFF BY TOMORROW… WE THINK_."

"You _think?!"_

"_JAMES, CALM DOWN, S'ONLY A LITTLE FUN, MATE_," Sirius bubble-lettered.

"You call this fun… you _are _off of your trees."

James couldn't perceive of a single way in which this 'rhyming' potion was fun. Or good, for that matter. There was no good here.

"Wait a second," James said, after some time, "Does… when you were saying 'humping'… what were you actually saying?"

"_JUMPING."_

Perhaps there was some good there, James conceded to himself. The thought of Sirius humping was enough to make him want to vomit.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

James had found the day rather difficult, compliments of his best friends, of course.

For instance, he'd heard McGonagall swear for the first time whilst she was talking about transfiguring a goose into a duck. He'd also, on the down side, made a complete fool of himself in charms, where he'd said the wrong incantation and smashed a couple – all – of the windows (smashing windows was _so_ First Year).

Other than a couple of minor mistakes, though, he'd managed to survive. He even noted he still had a small shred of dignity left, which was very fortunate - given his circumstances.

Lost in his thoughts, he rounded a corner at remarkable speed – for, you know, walking – and collided violently with something squishy… and hairy. Squishy and hairy.

"Oh, I'm sorry – I –" The squishy and hairy began, "Oh. It's you."

Hey! You'd think a squishy and hairy would be all nice.

I looked up … and discovered Squishy and Hairy was actually Lily Evans.

"No need to be all… 'Oh it's you' about it!"

"Well – you're head boy - you're supposed to watch where you're flowing!"

"Watch where I'm flo-_go_ing?! It's a two way corridor, Lily…"

"Yeah, but there's always been that rule in society where it's the man's fault if something happens to the lady. And unless you're saying you want to be the lady, _dear_…"

"Since when do you call me dear?" James said, having forgotten anything she'd said before that word.

"I _didn't_ call you dear… James, you've been acting lazy all day!"

James took a moment to decide what she actually (probably) said and figured 'lazy' was the rhyming word.

"'Crazy', no doubt…" he muttered to himself.

"What?" Lily asked in growing confusion.

"Uh… nothing," James covered stealthily.

"You know, if this is some kind of dick joke…" Lily said menacingly.

James, however, was completely unaffected by here menacing glower. Hearing the words 'dick joke' come out of Lily Evans' mouth was enough to stop any sense of sensible thought.

"It's not some dick joke!" James exclaimed.

"_Excuse me?"_

In retrospect, perhaps sense of sensible thought would have been a plus.

"No – Lily – wait, it's just…"

Lily was already halfway down the corridor.

"WAIT!" He sprinted after her, with incredible speed (considering Quidditch was a sport in which players _sat_ on their broomsticks for an indefinite period of time, using what was probably less muscles than it took to play a casual game of golf).

He finally caught up to her, and blocked her way.

Lily expressed her feelings of discust openly on her facial features.

"L-lily," James began, rather breathlessly from The Great Sprint, "I'm sorry, there's just been this whole prank thing that's been put on me – it's like a potion and it makes me hear stuff -"

"- so you _are_ lazy," Lily deadpanned.

"- like rhyming words, and it's only me who can hear them, I swear -"

Lily rolled her eyes, not really believing his words.

"- and it's all Sirius' fault, I mean, who _else's_ fault would it be? But really, I promise I'm not a jerk – you know I stopped that all in fifth year. Being a jerk, not promising to be a jerk, that it. I really don't want to force you into anything crazy or anything, but see, there's this story I like to tell. I say it a lot… every night, actually. Or at least I think it, friends can only take so much of it, you know, the sap factor is really high. 'Specially for the males of our species…"

Lily had begun to listen less critically now.

"I'm gonna say it anyway though, even if you think I'm a complete pansy after, so… here goes. Once there lived a beautiful princess, named Lily Evans. Now, Princess Lily Evans was not just your average beautiful princess -"

"Hey!" Lily protested against this attack on her beauty.

"- she was _the most_ beautiful princess there ever lived -"

Lily exhaled relief, unsure of why she was relieved since she was most certainly not the most beautiful girl out there.

"- She was not ordinary, in any way… in fact she was a lot extra. Extra-ordinary, I mean. This princess was talented, and – and smart, and a really good Head Girl. I mean, er, leader… cos, you know, as a princess you have to be a leader -"

Lily smiled at his mistake. It was adorable.

"- and, erm, anyway… many things happened to this princess. Things like - for instance – this one time she was taken prisoner by a big, fat, ugly dragon… who shall remain nameless… because calling people names is bad…"

Lily thought she had a fair idea of who the dragon could possibly be, but admired his self-control in not directly stating his name.

"… and also, one time, she fell down a well…_ that_ wasn't a good day for her. Usually, in most fairytales, a charming prince would save the day. But not for Princess Lily Evans, no. Princess Lily Evans could always stand on her own two feet and save herself, no matter what trouble she had to overcome. That didn't mean the Prince didn't always_ try_ to save her, because he'd always be there for her, even if he was just making background noises. Princess Lily Evans was always annoyed by the charming Prince… The Prince always had liked her a lot, possibly even loved her. The only trouble was, the prince always annoyed her and teased her, hoping she'd one day figure out – using some twisted logic – that he felt for her. He grew frustrated when this didn't work, and decided to ask her out. Repeatedly. The poor Princess Lily Evans must have felt so… confused… and angry. She thought it was all a big joke, being asked out so childishly. But it wasn't. It was never a joke…"

James took a deep breath.

"After a while of bothering her, the Prince realised that Princess Lily Evans may never return his feelings. He'd blown it, for good. Out of his extreme like – possible love – for her, he decided to stop all pranks, come-on's and games he played with her. He decided to leave her alone, and let her become a better person, with a good life that wasn't marred by his own selfishness."

"Is that it?" Lily almost whispered. James shook his head slightly.

"The Prince figured maybe one day his feelings would fade away. But almost two years later, they hadn't. Princess Lily Evans hardly spoke to him, except when their kingdoms had to arrange something, you know, in their roles of leadership. And so, to this day, the Prince lived in his emotions, hoping that ultimately, Princess Lily Evans, would live happily ever after. Even if it wasn't with him."

The end of his words met a long silence.

"…The end," he said quietly after a minute (that felt like six life-times).

Finally Lily looked up at James, whose eyes she had been avoiding like the plague. Or some other deadly and gross disease. Not that she thought his eyes were all icky or anything – he had quite nice eyes – she just didn't know what she'd find there, and had decided that looking into them might leave her feeling as though her feet had left the ground. Having now taken the plunge and looked into them, she felt as though her feet _had_ left the ground, but was pleased to note it was merely a feeling, and she was still, in fact, connected to the ground.

"You were right," she smiled, "that story did make you sound like a pansy…"

James looked away, disappointed. What had he expected? A complete turn around in her? He'd learned to deal with the fact that she didn't reciprocated his feelings, so why was this so earth-shattering?

"But James… I think - " she paused, trying to move her head into his line of sight, and finally capturing his gaze, "I think I might reel for you, too."

This left James very confused… did she mean reel as in fishing reel? Or reel as in spin? Or even as a 'being sick' metaphor?

None of these thoughts seemed to matter, because Lily pulled him into a deep kiss.

After what James calculated to be far too little time, they pulled apart, smiling at each other.

"Just to be clear…" James ventured, "you _did_ say you feel for me, right?"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Prince James."

James grinned.

"Prince James… I think I like the sound of that," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist, "Does that mean… well, I kind of edited the story a little… see, Prince James is normally tall, dark, handsome, toned…"

"Full of himself?"

"Full of _lurve_?"

"Full of bad French accents?"

"Full of _passion_?"

Lily snorted.

"A passion for fairytales?"

"I _knew_ I should have picked a better analogy…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Well lookie here, if it isn't our two favourite lovebirds," Sirius said as Lily and James joined them on the couch, "eye-roll."

James shot him a look. A significant 'shut-up-or-I'll-turn-all-your-underwear-pink (providing you wear them)' look.

"Did the rhyming words potion wear off?" Remus asked James.

"Yeah. Well, mostly… every now and then I hear an off-word, but I figure that'll disappear soon enough."

"And as for the pixie-tails?"

"_Fairytales_!" They all corrected him.

"Eye-roll, _fine_. Fairytales?"

"I think it worked out just fine," Lily smiled, engaging James in another kiss.

"How many of them do you reckon we'll have to endure?" Peter said, slightly grossed out by the exchange of saliva.

"Well… providing they live 'Happily Ever After'… " Remus began adding numbers in his head, "too many."

"I wonder how he won her over…. Hey! Prongs!" Sirius interrupted the smooch-fest, "How did you win her over?"

"Can I tell him?" Lily asked James, jumping into her explanation before receiving an answer from him, "He told me a big, long fairytale…"

"Lily, please…" James desperately clawed onto his masculinity.

"Which was like a… a… metaphor of our relationship, and told me exactly how he felt."

James turned bright red, attempting to bury his face in the nearest cushion.

"You – what – _pansy_," was all Sirius managed before bursting into hysterical laughter.

Even Remus looked slightly amused.

"I think it's romantic," Peter sniffed, having always been a fan of a good fairytale.

Lily pulled James' head out of the cushion.

"Did you have to do that?"

"Consider it payback for the years of humiliation you caused me."

"You're lucky I reel for you…" James said, completely won over just by looking at her.

"And you're lucky I reel for you."

They indulged in yet another kiss. After a few seconds Lily pulled apart.

"Can we not use the 'reel' thing anymore?"

"Yeah sure," James went in for another kiss.

"Really?" Lily pulled away again, needing reassurance. The 'reel' thing made her think of fish, which made her feel sick.

James grinned. He knew an opportunity when he saw one.

"_Reel_-y," he replied.

"Oh – you did not just…"

"I did. I _reely_ did."

"Bloody ponce."

"You mean 'prince', love."

"Fine. Bloody prince."

"Hey – that's not f-"

Lily shut him up with her lips. They were proving quite the weapon where James was concerned.

Peter sighed. _More_ kissing.

"Well, that looks like the start of a healthy relationship," Remus noted with the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Sirius snorted.

"I'll say. _Eye_-_roll_."

"Wanna go to Hogsmeade?" Peter asked.

"Okay," Remus and Sirius shrugged.

And so the remaining Marauders left Princess Lily Evans and Ponce – er – _Prince_ James to their lip-smacking and canoodling, triumphantly sneaking into Hogsmeade to rid them of their mead.

_The End._

_**A/N: Hope this was satisfying… it's all with the cliché and stuff, but hopefully there's enough funny to make it worth your while.**_

_**100 Love, **_

_**Michelle.**_


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